I’m not sure what to make of a blog called “Divine Caroline”.
Sure, it’s got some snappy rhyming going on, but seriously, the title smacks of excessive (and misplaced) ego. Perhaps I should start a competing one called “Nirvana Nick” … except that the title pretty much sucks, doesn’t it?
Plus I’d be guilty of “do as I say, not as I do”, wouldn’t I?
But never mind, I need to say a few things about the “What Men Want/What Women Want” article written by Tonya Reid. This one is better than the usual “dating tips” rubbish that’s churned out like toxic factory waste on the Internet, and so here’s my take on what she has to say …
She claims there are five types of women that men go for (and I’ll offer my comments in between):
“The Slut—It’s no secret that men are driven by what they see. The chicks that prance around in barely-there outfits and put themselves out there like walking sex billboards will definitely attract a man, but not for long. These women are the “Promiscuous” girls that Nelly Furtado sang about. They think it’s cute to get sloppy drunk and flash strangers. They feel empowered by having one-night stands and getting attention from as many men as they can. Without the shenanigans of these girls, Joe Francis of Girls Gone Wild fame would have been forced into another line of work.”
At the risk of being controversial (what’s life without risk, anyway?) Tonya’s just described all women right there. Every woman you’ve ever met has gone through the slut phase at some point in her life and some longer than others. Even if she saved that behavior for her “cultural vacation” to Paris or Milan, you can bet she’s been prancing around in barely-there outfits and getting thrills from one-night stands and other assorted “scandalous” behavior at some point in her adult life.
Women have evolved to crave male attention (a point we’ve made repeatedly on this website as it’s a key part of the psychology of flirting) and there’s very little they won’t do to get it. That won’t stop them from protesting that this fact is totally untrue and they’re only “having fun with their friends”, but here’s the thing:
“…
if women ever let on how badly they want us to notice them
…”
If women ever let on how badly they want us to notice them, men wouldn’t be jumping through quite so many hoops to gain their favor.
In fact, every girl you’ve met has done a few (or more than a few) sordid things she wouldn’t admit to even under torture. Women can be more skilled at “rolling back the odometer” than the sleaziest used car salesman.
And because their behavior is hardly exemplary (according to society’s standards), keep that knowledge in mind and remember there’s no shame in looking at — or pursuing — a few “sluts” as you encounter them in your life. That’s what they’re there for: male attention!
(Please just don’t start thinking about marrying them during that phase, or you’ll regret it.)
Onto the next one on Tonya’s list…
“The Knockout—She’s beautiful, she’s confident, and she knows how to get what she wants. All eyes are on her when she walks into a room. Mucho points for a man’s ego. Other men wish they could have her and women are slightly intimidated by her (although they won’t admit it).”
There’s a few of these around, and they’re fabulous company when their brains and personality really do measure up to their looks.
However, much like giant pearls in oysters, there aren’t many available, there’s enormous competition to get them, and you’ll probably wind up over-paying (in every sense of the word) for a relatively rare item. Sure, enjoy the ego boost if you do score, but don’t forget that women that popular will enjoy being “stars” more than they enjoy being your bedmate, girlfriend or wife.
The thrill of the limelight is too much for such women to resist for long, and if you wind up falling in love with one of these temptresses, you’ll almost certainly finish with a broken heart and an empty wallet trying to change her into something she’s not: namely, yours forever.
“The Challenge—Men love the thrill of the hunt. They want the woman that is attractive, smart, charming … and out of their reach. The woman who doesn’t fall all over them when other women do. The woman this is nonchalant or even slightly aloof regarding the fact that this man wants her so bad. She may even be his friend, but he just can’t quite get there.”
Much like the favorite TV show you enjoyed when you were a kid, these ones usually don’t stand up to closer scrutiny when you’re an older and wiser viewer. The saying “the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence” comes to mind.
More to the point: if she’s not interested in you (and you’re otherwise popular with women), she’s almost certainly not worth it in the first place. Girls with exceptionally high standards (translation = high maintenance) are not worth the trouble and I speak from both experience and observation.
“…
and here’s another perspective if you’re not currently popular with women…
…”
And here’s another perspective if you’re not currently popular with women…
Any girl who “just wants to be friends” isn’t just thinking she’s out of your league, she is out of your league until you improve your game. Acting like her puppy-dog or love-slave actually repels her. Why should she want a guy who’s no challenge at all?
What’s more, women don’t stay “just friends” with guys they truly want to keep for themselves (and keep away from other women). Women want what other women want –hey, they’re even more into “the challenge” than we are and by a large margin.
In fact, making yourself more desirable is the fastest way to turn the tables on a girl who you originally viewed as a challenge.
“The Submissive—These are women who will make a man feel like a man. She likes for him to take the bull by the horns in the relationship and she will cater to him no matter what. He won’t have to clean/take care of the kids/cook or do much of anything because she’s like his own personal servant.”
I have to part ways with the otherwise-pretty-sensible Tonya Reid on this one. She’s trying to make it sound like a woman who actually does things for her guy is some kind of mentally-challenged child. Here’s a hint, Tonya: “women who will make a man feel like a man” are exactly the kinds of girls we all love, and they’re the ones whose company we enjoy most.
The more a woman does to make us feel good, the more obligation we feel to return the favor.
Smart women know this and they’re hardly “personal servants.” In fact, they’re typically the ones with more boyfriends (and better boyfriends) than the girls who instead try spend their time trying to get something for nothing from the men they meet. Feminism is doing its best to kill off the concept of “girls who do nice things for their man”, but thankfully there are still a few good ones around.
Amen.
“The One You Can Take Home to Mama—This woman is just an all-around great catch. She gets along with his friends, understands him like no other, makes him laugh, shares his interests, stimulates his mind, maybe even lets him watch a game in peace every once in a while. She’s a keeper!”
Just like “The Slut”, this one can also be applied to pretty much every girl at some point in her adult life. While “The Slut” is only out for a wild time while meeting as many interesting men as possible, a girl in “you can take her home to Mama” mode also behaves in a specific way for a specific reason.
“Mama’s girl” usually behaves like this when she’s trying to get married. And even more so than “the slut”, this mode is a passing thing once the behavior has served its intended purpose.
“…
I’d say that “the Mama’s girl” is a far more dangerous persona than “the slut”
…”
In fact, I’d say that “the Mama’s girl” is a far more dangerous persona than “the slut” because you’ll wind up paying a lot less for any one-night stand or very wild weekend than a long-term deal. With Mama’s Girl you’ll potentially wind up losing your house, car and half your income in a marriage that goes wrong because she’s just not the girl you married (well, duh!) …
When girls are doing you favors, be very cautious. Enjoy the attention while it lasts (and always be sure reward the ones with genuinely good hearts who try to take great care of you) … but watch out for the girls who try to be too perfect because they most certainly aren’t. They’re after marriage and if you value your freedom you’ll want to think very carefully about going down that path.
In Part 2 I’ll review the second half of the “What Men Want/What Women Want” article written by Tonya Reid (where she opines on the five types of men that women want) …
Stay tuned,
-Nick Thomas
