You might believe that women are more honest than men if you believe the PC doctrine that emanates everywhere in the media these days, but this article by Susan Edelman is a refreshing departure from the norm.
Ms. Edelman wrote: MISS-Leading: The Truth About Gal’s Serial Fibbing after adulterer Lauren Cleri, 26, was caught out lying on national TV when a lie detector buzzed just as she claimed she was a good person.
The fact is, women are actually great liars and most men are hopelessly naïve on this issue. Author Susan Shapiro Barash has written “Little White Lies, Deep Dark Secrets: The Truth About Why Women Lie” which covers this topic extensively.
Amongst Ms. Barash’s claims:
* 75 percent lie about how much money they spend. For instance, they sneak purchases inside their homes after shopping or hide the price tags.
* 50 percent harbor “mixed feelings about mothering.” One told Barash, “I look at these children and I crave sleep and free time. They wear me out and make me jealous of working women who have no children, no husbands.”
* More than 60 percent cheated on their husbands. A 32-year-old mother conducted her trysts while telling her trusting husband she was working late. Even in asking for a divorce, she withheld the truth: “I didn’t say I had fallen for another man. He was better off with my lies.”
I have no reason to doubt her. In fact, it’s possible those numbers could be conservative. This is why:
More than 80 percent believe in “beneficial lying.”
… with the provided example of a mom conveniently avoiding tales of her wild teen years of marijuana and partying when asked by her well-behaved daughter.
After all, does it strike you as credible that the other 20% (who are effectively claiming that they DON’T believe in beneficial lying) are actually telling the truth?
Perhaps they don’t “believe” in beneficial lying but instead just “practice” beneficial lying whenever it would benefit them? After all, women are highly skilled in making extremely subtle distinctions. If you’ve ever heard the phrase: “But I do ‘love’ you … I’m just not ‘in love’ with you” spoken by a woman, you’ll know what I’m talking about.
However, there are important reasons for this and I’m not trying to attack women for lying (only for their claims that they don’t lie and that we’re the dishonest ones).
“…
civilization … would be impossible to maintain if people didn’t lie so frequently and extensively …”
That’s because civilization (or at least social harmony) would be impossible to maintain if people didn’t lie so frequently and extensively about almost everything.
- Our political system is based on obfuscation and mistruths.
- Marriages depend on it too (if you don’t think so, just answer “yes” the next time your wife asks you “Does this dress make me look fat?” or “Do you think that woman is pretty?”).
- Your continued employment depends on it (if your boss comes up with a hare-brained suggestion, would it be wise to candidly tell her that she’s a moron?).
- Do companies tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth in their advertising and PR releases? No at all — it would be disastrous.
So the odd part isn’t that women lie so much, it’s the idea that men aren’t as good at lying as are women:
Most females lie “more cleverly and successfully than men”
That raises a couple of related questions: Is the statement true? And if so, what causes it?
Here’s my take…
Men and women can both be clever and successful liars … just look to the world of politics or advertising, where both genders are well-represented and equally shameless about stretching the truth. So there’s no genetic difference that I can see. And both genders seem equally capable of being gullible.
So I don’t buy the part about how women lie “more cleverly” than do men. Wolves and sheep are both well-represented among each of the two genders.
And so it’s only in matters of romance that you see the dramatic difference noted in the article. Are women that much more skilled about lying in that area than in other areas? Are men that much more gullible in that area than in other areas?
Guys with little or no experience dating women do seem to be amazingly gullible. Such guys hear women carry on about how much they hate lying and about how honesty is the most important trait in a mate, and those guys mistakenly assume that the woman applies the same standards to herself that she preaches to him.
And of course nothing could be further from the truth … most people have a double standard on most things and that especially applies to women and the truth (she’ll lie almost constantly to others but will then become livid when she catches someone lying to her).
“…
rookies really want whatever she’s telling him to be the truth …”
Plus rookies really want whatever she’s telling him to be the truth (as in she has some interest in him and will maybe agree to bedding him someday). It’s the same way that financial novices sometimes fall for “get rich quick” schemes” … it’s such a great fantasy and they want it to be true so badly that they put the blinders on.
However, a guy with more dating experience tends to become less gullible very quickly. He may still get fooled once in a while by an especially skilled (and hot) woman, but he’ll see though most of the nonsense that most women try to peddle to him. What he won’t do is call her on it (“You liar!”), though. He’ll go along and pretend that she’s being 100% truthful.
Why? Easy … otherwise, there would go his chance of maybe bedding her some day and why start a fight anyway? He knows she’s full of **** but he patronizes her since his goal is sex rather than truth. But she thinks she successfully snowed him.
It’s like your boss telling a joke and everybody in the room laughing at the joke when he’s done. Does that prove he’s uproariously funny?
Nope … only that the people there (who all work for him) like getting a paycheck, would like to keep getting it and are also hopeful of getting a promotion from him some day. In reality, they’re just toadying up.
Men toady up a lot to women a lot
… if you hadn’t noticed. We pretend to agree with the sometimes inane opinions they express, we listen to obvious bull**** and we pretend it’s absolutely true … and most women buy it. So who’s the gullible sex here? It’s not just the men.
We’re not nearly so gullible as we are focused. We know what we want (from women) and therefore we’ll pretend to go along with whatever they say if we think that’s what it takes to get it. The destination is more important to us than the journey.
And that’s why the lie detector appears to be better at spotting female lies than are men: the lie detector isn’t trying to get laid.
Until next time,
-Mack Doppler
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