An article by Tom Chivers in The London Paper “Researchers: talking to women makes men thick” has produced some interesting results when comparing men’s mental skills before and after talking to members of the opposite sex.
While this article is interesting overall, I take great exception to the comment “men aren’t the brightest of creatures at the best of times” here…
MEN aren’t the brightest of creatures at the best of times. And new research shows that talking to attractive women makes them even dimmer.
To quote Fred Reed, a favorite author of mine: “Without men, civilization would last until the oil needed changing.” Are we really so stupid when pretty much every technical advance in civilization has sprung from the minds of men?
And would Mr. Chivers feel comfortable making the same comment about women? Or blacks, Arabs or Hispanics? He’d likely be forced to resign in the inevitable PC firestorm that followed. I’m disappointed that he feels the need to take a shot at our side of the gender divide out of little more than self-loathing, it would seem.
But let’s get back to the article at hand…
The study found that after speaking to a female, men become markedly less competent at tasks like maths or word games. And if that woman is someone the man finds attractive, they become even worse.
Robin Williams (the comedian) is well known for saying that “God gave man a brain and a penis, but only enough blood to operate one of them at a time”.
Hmmm… perhaps that’s the only way the human species can be kept going? If men could keep their wits around attractive women, a lot fewer of us would settle for the deals on offer and very few of us would sign up for marriage, wouldn’t they?
I think the author is confusing “dim” or “thick” with “distracted” or “drained” (he uses the concepts inter-changeably). Women really are distracting to men and interacting with them is draining, but neither concept is related to IQ.
Stress Effects in Conversation
Let’s use an analogy here: you could sprint up 16 flights of stairs to your doctor’s office and then immediately take a blood pressure test. The numbers would be very high in that situation, but would they be proof that you’re at death’s door?
Or would it simply make the results worthless as they weren’t taken under normal conditions?
Obviously any sensible person would understand that it’s the latter interpretation that applies.
No doubt “stress” has the same effect in this experiment, since talking to women is stressful and talking to other men isn’t?
The researchers suggest that men are more likely than women to “consider mixed-sex interactions in terms of a mating game”, meaning that they are “prone to engage in effortful and cognitively demanding attempts to impress an opposite-sex partner” – or, in layman’s terms, they are always trying to get the woman into bed, and that takes brainwork.
Are men stupid? No.
Do men do stupid things around women? Yes.
“…
women know this, which is why they’re quick to notice if you’re calm and confident …”
Those are two entirely different concepts.
Men get stressed during conversations with pretty girls because they’re worried about impressing her. Women know this, which is why they’re quick to notice if you’re calm and confident (“he speaks to girls prettier than me all the time, he must be a good catch”) or nervous (“he probably hasn’t had a date for at least six months, therefore he’s not someone I’d want to date either”).
If they know you’re desperate,
you’re pretty much toast
The bottom line is that you frequently don’t get what you want in negotiations if the other side knows how badly you want it. (And believe me, any conversation you have with an attractive woman you’ve just met is a negotiation — whether you know it or not).
Therefore you need to learn to disguise your intentions more skillfully by giving her something she wants, which is usually a fun, flirty conversation and a bit of a challenge.
Review the basics of flirting for guys on this site or download our free flirting ebook to get a better idea of what you need to say so you aren’t stressed (and therefore stupid) when chatting with an attractive girl.
You’ll get much better results with women when you can think clearly enough to spot opportunities in the conversation to make her feel closer and more comfortable with you. It really is that simple, even if simple things sometimes seem very difficult at first glance.
Until next time,
-Nick Thomas
