This article “Revenge of the Nerds: Four Reasons Women Dig Geeks” by Ashley Nelson at DivineCaroline.com really caught my eye.
After all, aren’t nerds supposed to be the ones who have the toughest time (outside of serial killers) getting women to show an interest in them?
I guess that depends on your definition of nerd. To this author, it seems that a nerd can be anyone who isn’t “a bruised up meathead with an anger management problem and a motorcycle”.
Wow.
For one, he will not act as if he’s been shot up with testosterone every five minutes, or deal with his feelings by means of drag racing. There’s a sensitivity there that the bad boys are severely lacking. A nerdy companion will be much more likely to openly discuss an issue with you, rather than acting possessive and/or hitting the checkout clerk for telling you too nicely to have a good rest of the day.
And wow again.
“…
What kind of man is this woman meeting – recent escapees from a high-security prison?
…”
What kind of man is this woman meeting – recent escapees from a high-security prison? Her definition of nerd would seem to include pretty much anyone who doesn’t violently assault someone else over the slightest provocation.
And of course that definition includes 99% of men, a significantly larger percentage of guys than I would normally think of as nerds. A fairly typical example of what I consider a nerd can be found right here:
A typical nerd as depicted on the cover of a crucial fashion accessory for the genre
… but somehow I don’t think that’s exactly what she has in mind as her ideal man.
She goes on to claim that:
A recent British survey of 2,000 women and men revealed IT nerds to be at the top of a list of lovers’ occupations, as reported by The Sun newspaper. According to the survey, IT nerds were ranked so high because they were found to be the most selfless and adventurous lovers, as well as much more open to using tech gadgets (ahem) outside of the office. Even more specifically, the survey found that 82 percent of IT “geeks” interviewed said that their partners’ pleasure was the most important thing to them.
So it looks like these ideal nerds give a lot without expecting much (if anything) in return. I think I’m beginning to see why she likes these guys.
How good is it to have a boyfriend who can fix your dinner and your iPhone on a Friday night?
What’s that word I’m looking for?
Ah yes… “Servant”, I think it is.
It’s not the bad boy that we naturally pine for, root for, or even search for. It’s the one most like us, who snorts when he laughs or wears his pants just a little too high and to the left.
OK, by now my B.S. meter is hooting and flashing: “Hip deep, get out while you still can!”
If this article was correct, we would not be seeing the “bad boys” featured in romance novels, chick flicks, magazines directed at teens, and pretty much any fantasy material aimed at women.
But they are, aren’t they?
The fact is, women are interested in two kinds of men for two different reasons:
- Guys who are above them on the totem pole (the ones they’d do pretty much anything for) and
- Guys below them (the ones they can ask for anything while giving next to nothing in return).
Nerds, as she defines them, are definitely in the latter group. If you’ve heard the old joke:
Q: Why are men like linoleum?
A: Because you can walk all over them for 20 years if you lay them right the first time.
… it definitely applies here. So let’s reiterate…
Why do women go with a man?
It’s because of what he can do to her (he’s a hottie or a real hunk who gets her juices flowing) or because what he can do for her (be the father of her children, buy her lots of stuff, have plenty of assets and earning power for the divorce that will take place in a few years, etc.).
Women go with nerds do so for the latter reason: tech wizards can make hefty paychecks (and stock options can really add up) plus they’re unlikely to stray because they’ve usually got no game.
“…
tech wizards can make hefty paychecks … plus they’re unlikely to stray because they’ve usually got no game
…”
So for the woman looking for someone to support her in a style to which she wishes to become accustomed, a geek (if he’s a tech wizard) is the low hanging fruit.
Want to snare George Clooney or Donald Trump? Get in line (a very long line).
Are you willing to lower your sights to someone who is easy to get but still likely to make triple the average paycheck? You can have your pick of geeks.
How much will you actually like him? Does it matter?
For many women, it’s all about the money … and she won’t have to stay with him for long to stake her claims on his future earning power. Does she “dig” geeks? Or does she “dig” their earning power and low maintenance?
When you get right down to it, we tend to like other people because of what they can do for us, rather than what we can do for them. But taken to extremes, it’s more of a boss-employee (or master-slave) dynamic than a “real” relationship.
Women are never so crass as to admit that they like being on the “boss” end of that pattern, though. After all, it’s “empowering” if she calls the shots and he scrambles for whatever crumbs she deigns to throw his way.
Keep that in mind if you see the same dynamics playing out in your own relationship.
Until next time,
-Nick Thomas
P.S. Mack added one more point for you to chew over…
The author claims that her boyfriend deciding to get Lasik unnerved her. Why?
Because she thinks glasses look sexy? I don’t buy it. Just the opposite, in fact …
I’d guess that the real reason is that she fears that
- He’ll look a lot sexier post-Lasik when he no longer wears glasses
- Hotter women will then be attracted to him, and
- She won’t be able to compete
To further illustrate this, many wives panic when their husband finally gets serious about losing weight. They fear losing him to a hotter woman and also that he already has someone new in mind (why else would he have the sudden desire to lose weight … or to lose the glasses? in her mind).
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