I recently ran across “Hands off my son! Suddenly he’s a hunky 17-year-old and my man-eating friends start flirting with him” (posted by Veronica Henry on the Daily Mail website), and it piqued my interest in several ways.
Ms. Henry writes that:
“A friend of mine came to stay recently. Long divorced and extremely attractive, Paula hadn’t seen my 17-year-old son for two years. When she spotted him, her eyes lit up. ‘Darling,’ she purred, prodding him like the witch from Hansel and Gretel. ‘Look at you. Gorgeous shoulders. Are you spoken for?’”
Perhaps not surprisingly, she (his mom) was not amused. But she does seem conflicted about the concept of older women eyeing up younger men, as she goes on to confide that:
“The general consensus amongst my 40-something friends is that we want to be seen as attractive to young men. We don’t want the seal of approval from men our own age: there is no value in your friend’s husband giving you the glad-eye. He’s probably desperate. No, we want to be considered a ‘hot mum.’ The sad truth is we probably aren’t even on their radar.”
My first response is to ask “Whatever happened to the concept of ‘innocent flirting’?”
Remember that one? That’s how your wife or girlfriend describes her behavior when you’re both at a party, some hunky guy is chatting her up and she’s giving him a “do me” look while standing so close to him that one of her nipples is brushing against him.
And if you take exception to her actions and mention them disapprovingly to her, then she’ll make you the bad guy: “It’s just a little innocent flirting … why are you always so insecure??? You’re such a control freak!!!”
And just to be sure that you get the point (which is that you were the one who was out of line, not her), she’ll also withhold sex from you that night as part of your punishment.
Of course, that doesn’t
work in reverse
A female police officer can pull you over and ask to see your license and registration, and your wife or girlfriend will jump all over you for the next two weeks accusing you of “coming on to” that police officer.
Just for fun, the next time you get accused of “coming on to” some women you barely even noticed, why not tell your wife or girlfriend that “It’s just a little innocent flirting” and then watch how fast she tells you that there’s no such thing (and also withholds sex later that night).
Mrs. Robinson in 'The Graduate' is probably the best known example of older women seducing younger men
Does this mean that women
have a double standard?
Of course!
Even the author admits that she and her other female friends want to be seen as attractive to young men (and that there’s no kick in being desired by guys their own age, since guys their age are likely to be – and I quote – “desperate”).
But, in fairness, most men I’ve known are the same way, at least where their own daughters are concerned. I can’t count how many guys I’ve known who dread the day when their own daughter reaches dating age and gets “boy-crazy”.
Probably the two most common comments I’ve heard from such guys are:
- “I’ll be sitting on the front porch with a shotgun”, or
- “I’m not going to allow my daughter to start dating until she’s 25”
And the ironic part is …
…that these are the same guys who when they were younger (and for many of them, even still today) chased women like there’s no tomorrow.
Much of their life has revolved about getting laid by as many women as possible (each of whom is by definition some guy’s daughter).
I also found it intriguing that she described the miscreant as being “long divorced and extremely attractive” … does that make a difference in this regard?
- Would she be okay if her friend had been only recently divorced?
- Or if she was still married?
- Or if she was uglier than sin?
My gut feeling is that she’d still be peeved.
“…
sounds to me like mom is struggling with being forty-something
…”
But at the same time, I’ll also guess that the two women (the mom and the miscreant) are also personally competitive (with the mom being the less attractive and more tied-down of the two and resenting the miscreant on both scores for rubbing it in her face). I’ve seen many women who feel and act like that with their female friends, so it’d not surprise me.
It sounds to me like mom is struggling with being forty-something.
From all I’ve seen, it’s a tremendously challenging transition for women. Some men also experience a “mid-life crisis”, of course, but…
In my experience, men’s mid-life crises happen to proportionately fewer men and tend to be considerably less debilitating in comparison to those endured by women.
So I do empathiize with the mom here. But I suspect there’s a lot more going on than just somebody someone in their forties noticing someone in their teens approvingly.
Stay tuned,
-Mack Doppler
