I recently ran across a user post about the “5 Worst Times to be Dumped” (written by “Apple” on Yahoo’s “Shine” website), and I decided to offer my own observations on this topic as well.
Her “Top Five” list was:
(5) On Christmas Day
(4) On your birthday
(3) When you find out that you’re really sick
(2) When someone close to you dies
(1) At the altar
She explains the logic behind each of her choices and on some levels it makes sense.
For example, it’s always sadder to be alone on special occasions (such as your birthday or Christmas) where there are happy couples around you who are not alone. And it’s always nice to have someone there for emotional support in your times of need.
“…
life often doesn’t turn out the way that people might prefer
…”
But life often doesn’t turn out the way that people might prefer. Emotions seem to have a life of their own … when it’s over, it’s over.
And once the feelings are gone, it makes good sense to me to break up at the earliest possible opportunity. That avoids leading the other person on (with them thinking that things are still okay or that at least things are salvageable and you still have a future together).
But it also makes for a lot less wear and tear (as well as time and money) on your part to not be in a relationship you no longer wish to be in. As the Denny Crane quote from Boston Legal phrased it: “It’s better to want what you don’t have than to have what you don’t want.”
Let’s take her #1 “worst time”…
at the altar
Suppose that after the wedding has been planned, invitations have gone out and the appointed time has come that she no longer feels the same way about her husband-to-be:
- Perhaps she saw him going into a motel room with a hooker two hours before the wedding?
- Perhaps she was smitten by one of the first guests to show up at the wedding and she slipped off to a spare bedroom with him (for the best sex of her life and a subsequent rethinking about the advisability of marrying the bozo to whom she’s now engaged)?
- Perhaps the novelty (of him and the idea of being married) has worn off?
What should she do … marry the guy anyway (even though she no longer feels the same way about him), just to avoid causing a scene at the wedding?
That’d be pretty stupid for her to do, and she’s a woman. It would be even more stupid for a guy to do the same (since he’d also have to take a financial hosing in the subsequent divorce).
“…
I was having some second thoughts “at the altar” myself the last time that I got married
…”
Truth be told, I was having some second thoughts “at the altar” myself the last time that I got married and I’d have been a whole lot better off had I listened to my gut feeling then and just said “No … I don’t” when asked if I take “this woman”.
And I’m guessing that “Apple” would do the same if it were she who was doing the dumping (rather than being dumped).
If you don’t want to be dumped then in your mind there will be no good time for the other person to do it. But if it’s you who does want out, then the sooner you pull the plug on the relationship, the better it is likely to be for both parties.
Relationships tend to either move forward or to move backward … they rarely stand still for long. So once you figure out that it’s gone as far as it’s likely to go, it’s best to face reality.
Make a clean break, take your lumps and start looking for someone better.
Stay tuned,
-Mack Doppler
