The recent article “Unemployed men struggle in dating game” by Megan Scott (writing for the Associated Press) is a sobering reminder that the less impressive your financial prospects, the less stellar your dating choices.
And it’s a double whammy that more men have been losing our jobs than women:
Men have been hit much harder than women by this recession. Close to 80 percent of the job losses since December 2007 were jobs held by men, according to economics expert Mark J. Perry, who analyzed Bureau of Labor Statistics data. April unemployment was a seasonally adjusted 10 percent for men and 7.6 percent for women.
Hmmm… whatever happened to the tired old feminist whine about it being “a man’s world”? I can’t recall hearing any feminist complaints / demonstrations to demand that women be treated equally in terms of layoffs and pay cuts … imagine that!
However, the disproportionate layoff ratio can be a big problem when one of the primary things women look for in a man is financial stability. And that consideration’s likely to become even more important as this recession deepens.
So how to deal with the problem?
The article itself discusses a few strategies:
“A lot of men are very careful not to say, ‘I’m unemployed,’” said Pepper Schwartz, chief relationship expert at Perfectmatch.com. “They say, ‘I’m working on this project. I’m taking a sabbatical from work’ or ‘You heard of GM declaring bankruptcy? I worked there.’ They find ways to make it sound like it’s not permanent.”
There are also suggestions to bill yourself as a “consultant” while aiming for creative, cheap dates such as cooking dinner at home, seeing a cheap play or movie, together, going for walks, and so forth.
We have a few inexpensive fun date ideas of our own you can look at too.
Fun date ideas we mention include inexpensive outdoors activities
But back to the article. We found this quote rather telling:
Being too cheap can be a turnoff for women like Virginia Wall, 40, who works in retail sales in Philadelphia. She doesn’t believe in coffee or drinks as a first date and expects the man to pay.
If he can’t afford to take her to lunch — nothing fancy, just a casual place to sit and get to know each other over a sandwich — then he probably shouldn’t be dating, she said.
“He shouldn’t bring someone in his life if he can barely take care of himself,” she said.
Well, isn’t this one precious? She works in retail sales (translation = “low pay and no future”) but wants expensive dates paid for by the victim- errr, the guy. At 40 years old, she’s no spring chicken but the “princess” attitude dies hard with this lady.
“…
the good news is that women like this are a waste of time even when you do have some money to splash around
…”
The good news is that women like this are a waste of time even when you do have some money to splash around.
Toxic attitudes are a lot like bright colors on an unknown wild creature: the colorful animals are usually pretty dangerous (normally they’re poisonous or venomous) and those colors are warning to stay away.
Find someone less hazardous to spend your time (and hard-earned money) upon.
Special Note: Mack had this to add before I published this post:
I’m chuckling at “Being too cheap can be a turnoff” (Virginia Wall).
A lot of women (nearly all in America, perhaps) likely feel the same way, but it’s an awkward topic since there’s not all that much difference between dating / marriage and prostitution: the guy does all the paying and (he hopes) gets laid in return.
And of course women tend not to like the concept of prostitution (payment for sex), but not for the reason that most guys assume (many guys are naïve enough to think that women are “romantics” who believe that sex should be given in return for “love” and not for money).
But women don’t have a problem with the “getting paid” part … it’s the “being expected to put out in return” part that’s the drawback.
That’s why dating was designed so that the guy has to pay and the women does not have to do anything in return. And how alimony can be awarded so that the soon-to-be ex-wife can continue to live in the style to which she had become accustomed, while the guy does not get a parallel right to continue to live in the style to which he had become accustomed (in terms of continuing a regular sex life).
Also notice the use of “woman-speak” here … she’s not greedy or a money-grubber, it is he who has the failing (she labels him as being “too cheap”). That of course implies the expectation that he somehow owes it to her to spend money on her (with no guarantee of getting anything in return) and instead he’s stiffing her (in the financial sense).
A ludicrous concept, of course, but as with political debates, being successful in “framing” the issue by choosing the descriptive terms to be used is 90% of the battle.
That’s why supporters of abortion rights describe themselves as “pro-choice” (not “anti-life”) and opponents of abortion rights describe themselves as “pro-life” rather than as “anti-choice”) … it’s a verbal technique by each side of the debate for painting themselves as “the good guys”.
Thanks Mack!
Now back to my comments…
There’s another half-truth evident in this quote from the source article:
“The recession is almost becoming an excuse,” said Braverman, 35, of New York City. “Men don’t want to take the initiative, suggesting something fun that is inexpensive. It’s more well, ‘I can’t afford to take you out for a meal, let’s keep it brief.’ Unfortunately, a lot of times chemistry needs time to develop.”
It’s true that women prefer to have more time to make up their minds about you. Women like to dither when it comes to making up their minds although there can be exceptions in such situations as speed dating.
However, the raw elements of chemistry don’t usually take long to materialize: women often know within 30 seconds of meeting a new guy whether they plan to go to bed with him eventually … it’s called “love at first sight”.
A woman for whom the chemistry isn’t there probably won’t ever develop it all with that guy. And if she accepts dates from him, she’s just using him for the free meals and to break up her boredom.
The ‘fun but inexpensive’
part of dating is up to you
Once you know which buttons to press (otherwise known as how to attract women) it gets a lot easier. You’ll figure out much more quickly if there really is chemistry between you (or not).
And if you avoid the common mistakes made by men on their first dates you’ll get the best mileage for your money.
The bottom line is that being short of cash can’t cripple you unless you allow that to happen. You can always take these hard times as an opportunity to “improve your game” with improved flirting skills and other tools that should be in your dating arsenal.
Learn how women really think and you’ll find one who has this to say:
“The relationship isn’t based on how much money he makes,” she said. “It’s who he is and what’s in his heart that matters to me.”
A guy who has a woman buying plane tickets so he can come across the country to date her is a guy who’s definitely pushing the right buttons.
Women do value charm and personality once you know how to effectively “sell” yourself as someone an attractive woman would like to know better.
So rather than mope about being unemployed or otherwise disadvantaged, man up and start improving your skills and you’ll be a lot better off a lot sooner.
Until next time,
-Nick Thomas
