I recently ran across a user post about the “5 Compliments Every Woman Loves To Hear” (written by “YourTango” on Yahoo’s “Shine” website), and I decided to offer my own thoughts on this topic as well.
She starts out well by pointing out that:
“Words of appreciation spoken directly to your romantic partner go far in paving the way to a happy, healthy relationship.”
But she goes astray when she then presents what she describes as being “the top five compliments every woman loves to hear”. Her “top five” list is as follows:
(1) You’re irreplaceable.
(2) You bring light to my life.
(3) You are perfect just the way that you are.
(4) I love your [bright eyes, cute toes, toned arms, sleek legs, silky hair, etc.].
(5) I am so proud of you.
Those are the top five? I would take the other side of that wager.
Let’s look at each one a little more closely …
“You’re irreplaceable”?
Nobody is irreplaceable, and she’ll know this subconsciously if not consciously. Think about it rationally for a moment. You’re 25. You barely know yourself … or women. You have 50 more years of life expectancy ahead of you.
And if she runs off to Las Vegas tonight and marries an Elvis impersonator, you’re going to be celibate for the rest of your life as you while away your days pining for her? Fat chance … human nature simply does not work that way, and she’ll know it.
She’s much more likely to lose respect for you than to be wowed if you try this compliment.
“You bring light to my life”?
That sounds like the sort of phrasing you would find in greeting cards … long on cliché and short on sizzle.
In effect, you’re really just telling her that “I’m nothing without you” and, to women, that sounds just like “I’m nothing”. You’d best already have a “well-lit life” (even before you factor her into the mix) if you hope to gain and hold her respect.
“You are perfect just the
way that you are”?
That’s another one she won’t believe for an instant … she’ll already know that she’s not perfect.
And she’ll assume that you know it as well, which means you’re being dishonest (just to end the fight and get her in bed, for example). In other words, you’re lying to her, you’re insulting her intelligence and you’re patronizing her, all in one sentence.
That’s an inverse trifecta!
“I love your [bright eyes,
cute toes, toned arms, sleek legs,
silky hair, etc.]”?
This one is the least lame of the five that she listed but it still falls short because it’s overly dramatic (“I love …”) and it focuses on a body part (which she can’t take much credit for, as those were bequeathed to her by mom and dad long ago).
Also, we’d wager that you’d have trouble finding a body part on her that she believes does look great. Therefore, you’re apt to run into the same sort of credibility gap as in the third compliment, above.
“I am so proud of you”?
Yikes … that’s the sort of thing you’d say to a five-year old (it’s straight out of Child Psychology).
It would be rather condescending to say that to an adult unless the person saying it is (1) your parent; or (2) someone who outranks you by several levels on life’s pecking order, such as your boss’s boss … or his boss.
To someone supposedly at an equal level (your girlfriend or wife, for example), it will come across as condescending.
“…
women do like to hear compliments, especially in public where they can one-up their female friends
…”
Women do like to hear compliments, especially in public where they can one-up their female friends whose mates are not complimenting them, but to guys looking to get laid or to be respected by women (those two concepts overlap considerably), it’s the wrong way to go.
Guys who do well with women are a lot more sparing in the compliments department … they don’t “debase the currency” by overdoing them and they don’t put themselves down in the process.
If these really were the “top five”, then I shudder to think what the “bottom five” were.
Stay tuned,
-Mack Doppler
