Two weeks ago, I mentioned having run across an article on the Daily Record (a UK publication) website which was titled “More women having sex on first date … but they won’t admit it to their friends”. It was written by Craig McQueen and was dated March 19, 2010.
In my comments the last couple of weeks, I talked about the rationales behind women frequently not being entirely honest about the amount of their sexual behavior (and the speed with which they “gave it up”) when these topics come up in their discussions with their female friends. Typically, they’ll understate both factors by a substantial margin.
This week I’ll look at the topic of how quickly women have sex (first date? second date? third date?) and the increases seen over the last several decades in the average number of partners which women in any given age group have had.
As for reported increases, there’s always the possibility that women are more willing to admit to “speed sex” these days than they had been in past generations. For example, it may be that the frequency of example (in TV and movies) in the last few decades is a lot greater than in the more sexually uptight era prior to the sexual revolution that started in the late 1960’s.
After all, in the early days of TV, not even married couples were permitted by network censors to be seen in the same bed. Contrast that to more recent decades in which even “elevator sex” is not rare. That’s where you meet a woman, you head for a bedroom (yours, hers or a hotel) and – due to the extreme urgency of both sex drives – you end up just going at it in the elevator on the way up to the room. Can’t wait even a minute longer!
As to whether there has been an actual increase in first-date sex, I’m not convinced. At least from the late 1960’s it’s been as common as today (based on my own experience over the last few decades as well as what my older friends tell me about how things had been in earlier years).
The article makes it out to be an undesirable thing (sex early on rather than making the guy jump through hoops for a year or two first), but women generally set the pace when sex is concerned (as they’re more likely to say “No” than are men). As a result, “speed sex” is still consensual sex on the part of the women involved.
Why would a woman want to jump into bed with a guy she just met?
Women Do Get Horny Now and Then
One reason is that a lot of women like sex … and some of them like it a lot.
But there are additional reasons. Three of the most common of the reasons I’ve seen as to why a woman will jump right into bed with a guy she just met are:
(1) Revenge
(2) Reassurance
(3) Boredom
“Revenge sex” can take place when a woman is angry at her husband or her boyfriend, particularly if the cause is him having cheated on her with another woman (or perhaps she just thinks he cheated on her with another woman).
“… “an eye for an eye” …”
Applying the old biblical maxim about “an eye for an eye”, such a wronged woman will often get even by having sex with the next halfway interesting guy to walk by. And the part about being “halfway interesting” is often quite flexible.
If you’re the guy that happens along next, you’ll get her “A” game … “revenge sex” tends to be the best sex she’s got. So enjoy it when you get the opportunity!
“Reassurance sex” is often a lesser version of “revenge sex”. If she’s got a husband or a boyfriend but that guy isn’t paying enough attention to her, she may be tempted to stray in order to reassure herself that she’s still attractive and desirable. Or perhaps she’s not in a relationship and she’s feeling a bit “invisible” when she goes out in the public. If she isn’t getting much male attention from guys in general, she may pick out a guy who’s a bit shy and maneuver him to the bedroom.
“Boredom sex” is an unusual category, in that most guys are unaware that such a thing exists. But it does!
In my experience (and also in the experience of a lot of male friends who report similar experiences), a lot of women will do more to alleviate extreme boredom than for almost any other reason (except probably for money). For that reason, savvy pick-up artists will often focus in on the woman in the room who seems to be the most bored.
Nice Guys Finish Last
However, if you’re the stereotypical “nice guy”, the odds are good that women are very unlikely to have sex on the first few dates with you. In part, they know that you’ll wait, whereas guys who have more game won’t allow themselves to be strung along that way. And in part, you’re boring (as “nice guys” tend to be highly predictable and that’s boring to a woman).
“… “not that kind of girl” …”
As the old saying has it, when a woman tells you that she’s “not that kind of girl”, what she really means is that she’s not that kind of girl with you.
She may continue dating you (if she has no one more interesting on tap), especially if her clock is ticking and she’s quite plain in appearance and wants a husband and kids sooner rather than later. But on sex she’s likely to string you along for as long as you’ll allow her to. Only at the point when you appear to be tiring of the game (and tiring of her) is she likely to allow you to consummate the relationship.
Guys who are seen as “good catches” because they’re unusually good-looking, have got game, have tons of money or whatever generally can get women into bed quickly if they wish to. That’s been true for at least the past forty years … and I’d not be surprised if it was at least somewhat true even before then.
Stay tuned,
Mack Doppler
